Showing posts with label Convert Stories. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Convert Stories. Show all posts

Sunday, June 02, 2013

What's Up With Conversion Stories?

I notice that a lot of websites/youtube channels focus a lot of attention on conversion stories. You know someone tells how he/she became Muslim. I like to hear such stories and I find them quite interesting. However, I  do not know of this being a way of daw'ah among the early generations of Islam. Also on the practical level - who really converts to Islam because of hearing such stories?

The only real example of someone who has really inspires other as a result of his conversion and more so on how he lived his life (or at least the myth we have of it) is Malik Shabazz (Malcolm X).

May Allah reward those people who have a good intention in doing this, but perhaps more time and effort should be put somewhere else - like learning the religion. One area to start is with learning tawhid, its right, and what nullifies it. Just some food for thought. I hope I do not offend anyone. What do you all think about this?

Sunday, September 06, 2009

The Latino Crescent: Latinos make a place for themselves in Muslim America

By, Lyndsey Matthews
The Brooklyn Rail
September 2009
Reference: http://www.brooklynrail.org/2009/09/local/the-latino-crescent
Ponce de Leon Federal Bank, Pan Con Todo restaurant, and the Made In Colombia boutique line the sidewalk on Bergenline Avenue, which runs through the center of Union City, New Jersey. Flags from Puerto Rico, Mexico, and the Dominican Republic hang proudly in storefronts. Miniature Honduran flags dangle from the rear view mirrors of cars parked on the thoroughfare. More than 60 percent of Union City’s population is Latino. You don’t have to speak English to live here.


Just off Bergenline, there is a stately columned building that used to house the city’s Cuban community center, once a popular venue for traditional Hispanic celebrations like quinceaƱeras, the 15th birthday parties of Latina girls. Late one Sunday afternoon, three young women wearing traditional Muslim hijabs, or headscarves, stand on the steps of what for the past 17 years has been the Islamic Educational Center of North Hudson.



The North Hudson Islamic Educational Center’s building crest now reads “Allah” in Arabic. Of the thousands who worship here weekly, over a hundred are Latino. Photos by Lyndsey Matthews.



Another woman wearing a hijab rushes up the stairs of the mosque frantically murmuring to herself, “Empanadas, empanadas, empanadas!” as if to remind herself to pick up the savory Latino pastries for the crowd waiting inside. “Empanadas!” Shinoa Matos, one of the three women on the steps, responds excitedly. “I’m very hungry,” she says as her attention turns towards the inside of the building. The Sixth Annual Hispanic Muslim Day event is about to begin.



Unlike churches and synagogues, mosques do not keep rosters of their worshipers. Where one goes to pray is more fluid in the Islamic tradition. Matos estimates that of the thousands of people who pray at the Union City mosque in any given week, more than 100 are Latino. “Just like how there are Albanian mosques in Albanian neighborhoods,” she explained, “we are a Latino mosque because we are in a Latino neighborhood.” Islam, however, discourages differentiation among ethnic groups, she said, so Muslims try not to do it.
Inside the mosque the aromatic scent of steaming empanadas, spiced beef stuffed inside shells of puffed pastry, inundates the first floor auditorium. About a hundred people of various ages mingle around a dozen round tables covered with white plastic cloths and topped with cream-colored ceramic vases holding bouquets of purple silk pansies. Grandmothers coo over infants while a group of young men plug a laptop into the sound system and the Middle Eastern sounds of nasheed, a traditional form of Muslim music, begin to emanate. There are more women than men, and only a few women are not veiled. By what seems like an act of natural separation, the men sit on the left of the auditorium, the women on the right, with a few scattered in between.



Eventually Ramon Omar Abduraheem Ocasio comes to the front of the auditorium to give the keynote speech. He is a family man who found Islam in Harlem in the 1970s and reared his six children as Muslims. He describes what it was like in those days to be ostracized in the neighborhood’s mosques, which members of the Nation of Islam dominated.


Before Hamza Perez found Islam, he dealt drugs. Today he performs with his brother, Suliman, in a Muslim hip-hop group. Photo by Jennifer Taylor.


Ocasio is one of the 44 million Latinos living in the United States who constitute the nation’s largest minority population, according to 2007 U.S. Census estimates. This, plus the rapid growth in the number of adherents to Islam in the United States, has given rise to the relatively new demographic of American Latino Muslims. In 1997, the American Muslim Council identified some 40,000 Hispanic Muslims in the country, a number that had swelled nine years later to a reported 200,000. A 2008 study by the Pew Forum on Religious and Public Life put the number of Latino Muslim U.S. residents at four percent of all Muslim U.S. residents. The figure represents a tiny minority within a tiny minority—just over half of one percent of the U.S. population—and a somewhat surprising one. Latinos have long been associated with the Roman Catholic church and more recently, the evangelical Christian traditions. All the same, it is not unusual for Americans to change faith for another denomination, an entirely new religion or no religion at all. For example, of the nearly one in three Americans raised as Catholics, fewer than a quarter still consider themselves Catholic.


Although Islam has not permeated Latino culture to the extent it has black culture—24 percent of Muslim Americans are black—its influence is evident. The Spanish-language telenovela “El Clon” (The Clone) often has its characters discussing Islam and the prerequisites to become a Muslim. The appeal, Latinos who have converted say, comes from their search for a simpler and more intimate experience of God. They find the Muslim emphasis on family and conservative values familiar and beyond that, Latinos often share neighborhoods with black and immigrant Muslims, and in turn develop strong ties as neighbors, friends, and co-workers.


Diverse is the best description of Latino adherents to Islam in the United States. They include Ocasio and his children; his close friend Ibrahim Gonzalez who co-founded one of the nation’s first Latino Muslim organizations with Ocasio; Hamza Perez, an ex-drug dealer who performs in the Muslim hip-hop group Mujahadeen Team, and young mothers like Matos and Fatimah Vargas. They and many others tell of hard-won but growing acceptance, not only by non-Latino Muslims but by their own non-Muslim family members as well.


The pale blue balloons floating on strings above a dozen or so round tables scattered about the room matched Alex Robayo’s baby-blue collared shirt. As the Hispanic Muslim Day emcee, he spoke in both Spanish and English and mostly directed his remarks to the non-Muslims in the crowd.


“Are there any Catholics in the room?” he asked. A young dark-haired woman with a copy of El Coran, the Qu’ran in Spanish, resting on the table in front of her, quietly raised her hand and cringed slightly under the attention turning her direction.


Repeatedly, Robayo stressed the similarities between Christianity and Islam—the belief in one God, and the many common prophets, including Jesus. Many converts say that they find the Christian idea of the Trinity complicated and that the monotheistic simplicity of the Islamic concept of tawheed—the “one true oneness of God”—has great appeal.


“You may say in Spanish ‘dios,’ in English ‘God,’ in Arabic ‘Allah,’” Robayo told the crowd. “Is dios and God different?”


“Dios es grande,” he said.


Robayo shared a story about his mother, a Roman Catholic, whom he picks up after Mass most weeks. While there, he admires the beauty of the statues of Jesus and the saints, but appreciates that in Islam there are no images. Robayo likes the notion of a direct, unmediated conversation with God that Islam promotes, a straightforward approach that appeals to many Islam converts.
Robayo is followed by a series of six speakers, punctuated by a martial arts demonstration with swords—“ninjitsu”—from Puerto Rican Muslim Yusef Ali Abdullah and his students. Speaker Yusef Calderon talked movingly of his commitment to Islam. “There was something so unique and simple with this faith,” he said, highlighting the straightforwardness of the Muslim act of prayer. “This simplicity,” he said, “is what brought me to the way of happiness.”


Ocasio spoke last, telling the story of his Muslim declaration of faith, shahada, at the 125th Street mosque in Harlem back in 1973, along with his friend Ibrahim Gonzalez when they were teenagers. He recalled how lonely their path to happiness was at a time when Puerto Ricans were not so warmly welcomed in the Harlem mosques dominated by non-Latinos. The two friends learned never to greet each other in Spanish. It was as if, as Gonzalez said later, these Muslims had a right to “decide what the rules are.”


“We were so embracive of our Latino roots that some interpreted it as being separatist,” he said. “We were baffled that in such a multi-cultural environment that people would object to us speaking Spanish.” According to Ocasio both he and Gonzalez found it difficult to embrace their Hispanic background and practice their new religion at the same time. Gonzalez not only had problems at the mosque, but at home. His parents greeted his conversion “with some curiosity,” but his mother was always more open to his decision than his father. Eventually, his parents came around and he and Ocasio found more acceptance at a mosque in Newark, where other Hispanics were already worshipping. That encounter led Ocasio and Gonzalez to found the Alianza Islamica in 1975 in their own East Harlem neighborhood with a few other friends. It became one of the United States’ first Latino Muslim organizations and a place, Gonzalez said, that “drew our hearts together.”


They helped form the Alianza to venerate the historical precedence of the Moors, Muslims from northern Africa, in Spain from the 8th to 15th centuries. Gonzalez explained the cultural attachment of the Spanish Caribbean both to Africa and Spain through the Moorish influence. Even parts of the Spanish language derive from Arabic. “We’ve dug a little deeper into our roots,” Gonzalez said. The Alianza teaches Latinos about Islam without any of its typical Middle-Eastern cultural attachments with a goal of educating Latinos about Spain’s Muslim past—“a part of their history that many have not learned,” Gonzalez said.


The imam of the Union City mosque is Muhammad al-Hayek. He is not a Latino but often emphasizes to Latino worshippers how Islam can be seen as “reclaiming your original state.” Like the members of Alianza, al-Hayek uses the term “reverted,” instead of “converted.” “That’s better for Islam,” he said, smiling kindly.


Today the friends feel no need to be apologetic about speaking Spanish in the mosques in which they worship. “I know that I’m doing nothing wrong,” Gonzalez said. The Alianza no longer has a physical address and its activity slowly faded away around 2005. A new generation of Latino Muslims have taken over from their parents and now organizes events through Google groups, calling itself the Tri-State Latino Muslim Organization. Its founder is one of Ocasio’s sons.


Conversion to Islam is also taking place in the projects and in prison. Before Hamza Perez discovered Islam, he dealt drugs in the projects of Worcester, Massachusetts and had no use for religion. These days he performs with his older brother, Suliman, in the Muslim hip-hop group M-Team. M-Team is short for Mujahideen Team, which in Arabic stands for “someone who struggles in the cause for God.” As musicians, the brothers deftly blend musical influences from their Puerto Rican background with their Muslim identity, creating hip-hop that focuses on poverty, injustice and race. As Hamza explains it, a mujahid is not only a holy warrior engaged in jihad. “You can be a mujahid against drugs and alcohol. You can be a mujahid to speak out for truth.”


“Music is a struggle. Hip-hop is a struggle,” Hamza said, speaking of the extravagant lifestyle typically associated with mainstream hip-hop culture. “You can’t just do it for glamour or for showing off or being in love with the sound of your own voice.” Instead, Hamza and his brother use their music to promote a positive Muslim message.


Hamza was not always a devout Muslim. Hamza and Suliman, who is two years older, grew up in Brooklyn’s Sunset Park neighborhood until they moved to Puerto Rico in 1984 to live with their grandmother. “We [were] getting into trouble at an early age in New York so my mom wanted to get us out,” Hamza said.


The brothers were raised around Christianity in a family that was religious, but never as devout as Hamza is today. His parents “were kind of ‘whatever’ with it,” Hamza said, remembering that his mother only attended Catholic services every once in awhile.


When Hamza was 12 years old, he returned from Puerto Rico to live with his mother, who had moved to Plumley Village, a public housing project built in 1972 in downtown Worcester. At age 15, he found himself hooked on heroin-laced marijuana and was bouncing back and forth between Massachusetts and Puerto Rico. By the time he was 16, he was dealing drugs in Plumley Village with a crew of young dealers. Within a year, he could afford his own apartment. “It still never made us happy. No matter how much money we had, no matter how much drugs we used. It still never made us happy,” he said. In 1998, his roommate and drug-dealing partner, Louis Jijon, a member of the Latin Kings gang, went missing.


“Word in the projects was that he got kidnapped by some Arabs—we were laughing about it,” Hamza recalls, until one day he saw a Muslim man standing outside of a store.


“Yo, you know my friend named Lou?” Hamza asked the man.


“No,” he replied. “I know Luqman.”


Although Hamza took it as a joke, he soon saw Louis walking towards him dressed in white. “He became Muslim,” Hamza said. “He was my crime partner—just seeing him with his life changed like that had a big impact on me.”


Influenced by his friend’s conversion, Perez soon performed his own shahada. Eventually many members of Hamza’s family converted to Islam as well, including his aunt, cousin, Suliman and his wife and his wife’s brother. Another 55 or so people from Plumley Village did the same. “It was like a chain-reaction,” Hamza said.


After he converted, Hamza quit dealing and doing drugs “cold turkey.” To signal his transformation, he returned to all his familiar haunts dressed in traditional Muslim garb and passed out Muslim information. Although Hamza and Suliman’s legal names remain Jason and Juan, they adopted Muslim names to cement their new identities.


What drew Hamza to Islam he said, was the way it allowed him to adhere to Islamic laws and while preserving his own Puerto Rican culture. “Everybody has their own Islamic flavor—Africans with their colorful garments, Saudis with their all-white garb.”


Before their conversion, the brothers rapped in another politically conscious hip-hop group called FOESL, an acronym for the “Force of the Educated Slave.” They performed locally in Massachusetts and self-released an album called “Planet of the Apes.” Eventually, the group became M-Team, which has reached a wider audience through the support of their label, Remarkable Current, a Muslim hip-hop imprint based in California.


While the brothers devote a significant part of their lives to their music, they often view it as secondary to their duties serving their community. After Hamza’s conversion, he began working with at-risk youth—a group he has always identified with—through a self-designed social service curriculum called the SHEHU Program (Services Helping to Empower and Heal Urban communities). The acronym means “teacher” or “leader” in many Muslim communities, and is another word for sheik. The brothers gained experience for creating these programs when they were younger and worked with youth at various summer camps.


In 2004, they moved to Pittsburgh when SHEHU caught the attention of the Sankore Institute of Islamic African Studies and its directors asked the brothers to run some of the programs in their community. The Sankore Institute is an independent school with teachers based all over the United States. Its Pittsburgh headquarters houses its main project: collecting, translating and preserving rare and fragile African manuscripts. The school has collected and digitized more than 2,000 of them. Pittsburgh has “one of the highest murder rates in west Pennsylvania,” according to Hamza. The Institute now acts as the intellectual branch of SHEHU.


Hamza runs his life skills programs for teens of all religious backgrounds in schools, YMCAs, and Boys and Girls Clubs, teaching them about anger management and healthy relationships using the traditional curriculums from the translated manuscripts. SHEHU also has a prison outreach program three days a week in which some 90 inmates participate.


As an offshoot of SHEHU, Hamza’s own experience as a drug dealer led him to found the 30 Below program with his old friend from the projects, Luqman Salaam. It specializes in drug dealing prevention. Named after the hierarchical nature of drug-dealing operations, the program discourages the glorification of drug dealing rappers and gangsters and hopes to guide them along a better path.


Before Fatimah Vargas discovered Islam in the years before 9/11 she said she “did not know the difference between a Muslim and a Hindu.” Born into a Dominican family in New Jersey with the name Marleny, Vargas was a single mother by the time she turned 18. A group of former Pakistani co-workers provided her first exposure to Islam. “Their character amazed me,” she recalls, because they did not look at the scantily clad women going to the beach during the hot New York summers. Eventually she checked out a copy of the Qu’ran at the public library and read it in secret in the middle of the night. When she read the first few lines she said she knew immediately, “This is it.”


When she told her brother, “He was very upset,” she said. Her mother noticed a change in her daughter when Vargas started dressing more conservatively but did not initially understand why. “I used to dress very inappropriate—to say the least,” Vargas said. These days she conceals her hair behind a hijab and the only skin she shows is her delicate hands and face. Eventually she told her parents about her conversion. “That was horrible,” she remembers. Her parents had preconceived misconceptions about Islam and her mother warned that if she converted she would become a terrorist and marry Osama bin Laden. “I couldn’t hurt a roach, how could I kill a human?” Vargas protested. When she married her husband, a Puerto Rican Muslim, she did not get her parents’ approval.


Ocasio’s wife, Faiza Ocasio, encountered similar resistance from her family when she first converted. Her mother was angry and continued to serve her pork dishes, even though her new religion restricted her from eating the meat.


When September 11 occurred, Vargas knew that it wouldn’t help others accept her new religion. She struggled to convince others that being Muslim was something very different than being a terrorist. These days, her parents have accepted her choice to be Muslim, which she thinks is the best thing that could have ever happened. They are actively involved in her life now, as she and her husband rear their three children, ages 9, 8, and 4, as Muslims.


The Ocasios’ six children, like Vargas’, are a rare sector—just 10 percent—of the Latino community in the United States, in that they were were born and raised as Muslims. In New York, this community has also reached a third generation: there are five Ocasio grandchildren who will also grow up in the Muslim faith. Though the Ocasios struggled to embrace their Latino culture in the African-American dominated mosques of the 1970s, their children’s experience growing up as Latino Muslims have few vestiges of the dual-identity conflict their parents experienced. They are proud of both their heritages.


The Ocasio children range in age from 15 to 33. They are practicing Muslims who grew up in New York’s Black Muslim world. They attended the Al Madrasa al Islamiya, a predominantly African American Muslim school in Brooklyn, where their mother teaches, until they went to high school. Sultana, 29, the third daughter of the Ocasio children, described her desire to assimilate as a Latino Muslim minority. “I always wished I was darker,” she said of her childhood. She wanted to fit in with her African-American classmates who were part of a culture where the mantra “Black is beautiful” was revered. “I wanted to be more black,” she remembers. “Hip-hop was cooler than rock ‘n roll.”


Many of Sultanas childhood classmates and friends called their dads “abby,” a slang term for father in Arabic. One time she tried calling her father this. “You call me papi,” he shot back, reminding Sultana that his family did not need to change who they were as Puerto Ricans because they were Muslim too.


Though Sultana felt different from her black counterparts in grammar school, she encountered a whole new sense of not belonging when she joined the Muslim Student Association at Baruch College, from which she graduated with a degree in political science and sociology in 2008. There she went through a culture shock interacting directly with Arab and Pakistani classmates who were often more reserved than her “more colorful” Latino friends. Many of her peers assumed she was Egyptian “until I opened my mouth,” she said. She had to adjust once more to being a minority within a minority. But despite the initial confusion, her experiences with non-Latino Muslims in no way mirror those of her father at mosques in the 1970s.


Many West Africans “transform” themselves, Sultana said, to symbolize their adherence to the faith, dressing in traditional Arabic dress. They’re adopting cultural traits, not religious ones though, Sultana pointed out. It is important to her family to separate religion from culture. They do not need to be one and the same. “Being Puerto Rican is important to me, but not as important as being Muslim,” Sultana said.


Today Sultana works in the Bronx for the Muslim Women’s Institute for Research and Development, coordinating ESL classes. The Institute also runs a halal food pantry open to the entire community, in addition to many other services. Working in social services runs in the family. Her mother used to be a social worker in the Islamic Family Services before she became a teacher.


Sultana also has experienced bewilderment from non-Muslim Latinos about her religion. When some Puerto Rican immigrants find out that Sultana is both Puerto Rican and Muslim, they ask her, “Why in the world are you Muslim?” she said. They find her choice radical, but she tells them, “I like this—this is something I feel is right.”


Though the Latino Muslim community shows continued potential for growth as evidenced by new leadership, and increasing acceptance within their ethnic and religious communities, their numbers remain just “sprinkles,” in Sultana’s words, in many Islamic communities. “There’s no Puerto-Rican Malcolm X,” Sultana said, unsure of how or if her people will ever become a unified group within the faith.


As evening falls over the Sixth Annual Hispanic Muslim day and Imam al-Hayek brings his remarks to an end, someone approaches him to tell him that a middle-aged woman who goes by Angela wishes to declare shahada. Angela became interested in Islam when her son converted. She likes how Islam affected him and his behavior, she says. He’s become a man now. Prepared to assert her new faith publicly Angela comes to the front of the room and recites in Arabic, “Ash-Hadu AnLa Ilaha Illa-Allah Wa Ash-Hadu Anna Muhammadan Rasul-Allah”. In English, it means “I witness that there is no god but God and I witness that Muhammad is the Messenger of God.” As she finishes, the entire room erupts joyously in unison, “Allah Akbar,” “God is great.” And their community increases by one more.


Photos 1-3 by Lyndsey Matthews.

Photo 1: Just off Bergenline, the North Hudson Islamic Educational Center is home to a small, but growing Latino Muslim community.

Photo 2: The North Hudson Islamic Educational Center’s building crest now reads “Allah” in Arabic. Of the thousands who worship here weekly, over a hundred are Latino.

Photo 3: No commentary.

Photo 4: Before Hamza Perez found Islam, he dealt drugs. Today he performs with his brother, Suliman, in a Muslim hip-hop group. Photo by Jennifer Taylor.

Monday, December 17, 2007

Why I am a Muslim
Ibrahim, a Pennsylvania teenager, explains how difficulties with church teaching about Jesus as God led him from Catholicism to Islam.

A time comes in everyone's life, or at least I hope it comes, when they realize that they have to not only believe what they believe in, whatever it may be, but get out there and proclaim it to the world. Luckily, that time came early for me. I am 17, and Islam is the belief that I’m proclaiming.

I was raised Catholic. Not internally as much as externally. I went to Catholic Sunday school, called CCD, but the Catholic view of God never played a major roll in my childhood. It was a Sunday thing. Anyhow, I started to enjoy Mass around 7th grade. It made me feel good to do the right thing. I was always a rather moral person, but I never really studied the fundamentals of Catholicism. I just knew that I felt good worshipping my creator.
I really liked Catholicism, but I always saw it as us (the Catholics) with Jesus worshipping God, not us worshipping God and Jesus as one. I saw Jesus (peace be upon him) as my example on how to be a good follower of and submitter to God's will, but not as God himself.
Before I was confirmed in 8th grade, in the fall of 1999, I learned a lot about what Catholicism was. The Catholicism of the Church had a lot on viewing Jesus as God in it. Nothing like my “undivided God being worshipped by me with Jesus as an example” train of thought. It was like they just opened up a can of cold, illogical confusion and tried to feed it to me. It didn’t feel right.
I continued with Catholic church, and kept on worshipping. But I talked to many in the church about my feelings that Jesus wasn't God but more of a Prophet, an example. They told me that I had to accept him as God and as a sacrifice, and so on. I just wasn't buying it. I tried to buy it but I guess God withhold the sale for my own benefit. There was a better car out there for me. I continued at the church.

Sometime in mid-December of 1999, for no reason that I can recall I started reading up on Islam in encyclopedias. I remember making a list of bolded words in the entry for "Islam" in an old 1964 Grolier World Book that I found in my closet, and studying them. For some reason I was amazed by this faith and that it was all about God and that it was everything that I believed all my life - right here. Previously, I had accepted that there was no faith like I felt inside of me. But I was amazed that I had found this faith. I found out that "my" faith had a name, and millions of other adherents!
Without ever reading a Qur'an or talking to another Muslim, I said shahada (declaring your belief in no god but God) on 31 December 1999. As the months passed, I learned more. I went through many periods of confusion, happiness, doubt and amazement. Islam took me on an enlightening tour of me, everyone else, and God.

The transition was slow. I was still attending Mass five months into my change of faith. Each time I went, I felt more and more distant from the congregation, but closer and closer to Prophet Jesus and God.

During Ramadan 2001, the second time I fasted (the first year, I converted during Ramadan and did not fast), I went to the library during lunch period. It was better than sitting at a table with my friends, because I got work done in the library. I swear my grades went up. Anyways, I started talking to the only other Muslim at my school, John. We talked about Islam a little more each day. He's an awesome brother and he took me to the mosque on the last Friday of Ramadan. Going was one of the best things I ever made in my life. God really answered my prayers this time. I thought I would be nervous, but I wasn't at all. It was the most natural thing I ever did in my life. I felt home. I realized something before leaving. As I sat there on the floor, praying to God, I realized that the room was full of others but it was OK. See, at home when someone asks me what I am doing, I never say I am praying. I never admit it to anyone. It is too awkward. But there, at the masjid, I was praying to God in front of a score of other Muslims and I felt perfectly fine. Better than fine! I felt secure and safe. It was the most liberating thing since I accepted God into my heart that cold New Year's Eve almost two years ago.
I never told my parents right out. In fact, I don't plan to. The most significant clue that I gave came around 1:00 AM on 16 December 2001, when I finally told my dad I was going to the mosque in the morning with a friend when he asked me why I was setting my alarm. He told me how he can't wait for me to move out of the house, how displeased he is with me and how stupid the choices I make are to him. I never told them straight out because I figured it was best to test the waters by revealing clues bit by bit; I didn't want to send a shockwave through the family. I can only imagine what my dad would do if he knew I was actually a practicing Muslim. He seems to hate my guts just for studying the faith, which he thinks is all I am doing. I understand that my dad is a depressed man, so I don't really hold this all against him. I mean, it is his fault for thinking himself so smart that he doesn't need God. That thought is what got him so depressed. But I don't think he realized how hard one's heart can be when you deny your human need for a relationship with your Creator. So I don't hold it all against him. He didn't know what he was getting into. My mom doesn't know that I am a Muslim, but at least she hasn't shown her anger over me going to the mosque. She is upset over it but never told me that I displease her, at least. As God commands, I'll continue to try my best to be nice to my parents as long as they don't attempt to take away my Islam. The best thing that I can do for them is to be a good example so that maybe one day, inshallah, they can see that there is a better way of living than living in the dark world of God-denial.

I've never been to the Mid-East, but I am studying Islam every day. I read books from every point of view. Sufi, Shia, Sunni, books on the Qur'an alone... The Muslims view sects as haram, so no matter what you believe you are always a Muslim and nothing extra. You may have completely different views than another Muslim, but as long as you both believe that there is no god but God, you are both Muslims and that's that. I read a lot on-line, and discuss a lot with other Muslims on-line and on the phone. I've met some really great people on-line who have taught me a lot about life, Islam and God.

Right now, I am 100% a Muslim and that will never change, inshallah. I thank God that I've gone through so many periods of doubt. When I look back I see that it was not God leaving me but God telling me that it was time that I asked myself how much I loved God, and what I was willing to go through to understand my faith. A week of crying, depression, prayer, reading to the extreme, and ignoring most other things in life sounds harsh...but the reward - knowing so much more about yourself, God, and the relationship between you (Islam) - is worth more than any material things. Through my interrogation of Islam I gained God’s most precious gift - Islam, or surrender to the peace. I've heard Christians say that with Christianity you "know God on a personal level." In Islam, your relationship with God is so much deeper than that. God is with me every moment, guiding me, teaching me, loving me, protecting me, liberating me, enlightening me, comforting me... Alhamdulilah for Islam!
Islam has done a lot for me. More than I could have ever guessed. And every day, it just gets better. I went from living my life on a trial-and-error basis to embracing guidance, and now knowing what the best choices are for me to make. From seeking who I am and spending a life in confusion, I am being guided. I can't find the words to say what its like, but I'll try again: God reveals to me what life is. I don't have to guess anymore.
- -- -
Sura 93, “The Morning Hours”
By the morning hours
By the night when it is still
Your lord has not abandoned youand does not hate you
What is after will be better
than what came before
To you the lord will be giving
You will be content

Did he not find you orphaned and give you shelterFind you lost and guide youFind you in hunger and provide for you
As for the orphan, do not oppress himAnd one who asks, do not turn him awayAnd the grace of your lord -- proclaim
- -- -
That is what I went through, what God did for me - what I am. So here is my proclamation to the world. Islam is more than you think it is, in fact more liberal than most would wish it to be. But do not only listen. Study all views for yourself...and come to your own conclusion. God says “let there be no compulsion in religion” because faith in God is a choice made by the heart, and it can't be forced.